No, I haven’t forgotten about this blog. Things have just been pretty insanely busy with work and home stuff, and non-paying blogging has come bottom of the list. Happily, exercising has not.

Some interesting things have happened to me lately:

1) I’ve seen several people for the first time in months, and they’ve remarked about how I’ve “lost a ton of weight” or asked “How did this happen?” Which is nice, since I often doubt that anyone but me can tell a difference. In fact, sometimes even I am not sure if there’s much of a difference, and I don’t always believe people who tell me there is.

2) Lots of clothes which were tight on me a few months ago now fit perfectly, or are baggy. Today, I got my winter coat out of the dry cleaning plastic (always dry clean winter stuff when it’s time to put it away!) for the first time since February or March. At that point, the coat was tight on me – I always hold my abs in anyway, but by the time winter ended, I knew I had to hold my tummy in so that the coat didn’t look bad on me. I was uncomfortable in it, felt gross, felt like I had let myself down, and HATED all of that. I figured that it would fit me more comfortably now, but I was completely floored by just how loose it was. I could get pregnant and probably go a good seven months in this coat. Staggering. My perceptions are so very off-base when it comes to my progress, it’s ridiculous.

3) I have become a little less strict with myself, food-wise, which is not a brilliant thing…but not a disaster. After all, I am working out – hard – three hours a week with my trainer, plus the walking and other activity I do the other four days. Also, I want longterm success, and I know that means avoiding that feeling of deprivation.

We’ve had a lot of social functions lately, where the food has been out of my hands. But also, I have been feeling a buzzy thing with my fiancé, where (WARNING: digusting talk ahead) I am just so totally thrilled to be with him that it seems life is too short not to have dinner at the Wolseley on a whim…and if I want to follow my swordfish and vegetables with a lemon meringue, well, so be it.

What I’m saying is, I used to only have one ‘cheat day’ a week, but lately I’ve been having cheat meals a few times a week. I should change that, but at the moment, it’s not bothering me enough to do so.

4) I haven’t bought any new clothes since I started seeing Tracy, my trainer, but after weeks of hints (”Wow, that top is really loose on you now!”), she finally told me very bluntly to stop wearing baggy workout clothes. “You’re not that person anymore, and you won’t be again, so stop dressing like her.” It was a message I needed to hear, and I’m so thankful to her for it.

So I went shopping the other day and bought new workout clothes (USA Pro stuff from John Lewis – good but not cheap). I also picked up a red suede jacket I’ve had my eye on for a few months, and some black suede tall boots for winter. The jacket is a little more snug than I’d like right now, but I could wear it out, buttoned, easily. A few more pounds and it will be perfect. A few more pounds after that, and it won’t be so big that it looks bad. A few more pounds after that, and I’ll get it tailored.

Speaking of which, my fiancé’s mother has now tailored one jacket three times for me, and it needs to be taken in again. I’ve also got a pair of trousers she’s taken in twice, which are now stupidly baggy on me.

5) I’m now doing tons more in terms of exercise than I used to be able to do. I usually do 200 crunches or so per session, plus 50 press-ups/push-ups (sounds like not many, but I used to only do 16 or so!) and 50 tricep dips (ditto). Weights freaking kill me, but I know they’re good for me. I felt a real high recently when, after Tracy indicated that I could rest after a set of 50 crunches, I said, “I can keep going,” and she replied, “Go on, then.” So I did, and it was only my aching neck which made me stop 137 crunches later.

In the face of all this progress, I still feel like I have a huge struggle ahead of me to get to my goal…whatever it is. I’ll know it when I get there, and despite several people telling me I’m fine where I am, I know better.